A: How I survived bullying in high school

When I was in elementary school, I cannot wait to get to high school. It’s not because I wasn't enjoying my elem days. I loved it, a lot. I was exposed in different activities, I learned how to dance, I was always on the honor roll, my teachers liked me, and I had a good set of friends. But everyone older than me kept on saying that there isn't any  level in elementary that can be compared with the "coolness" of high school. And that high school days would be the most unforgettable. They were right.

I will never forget every moment in high school. But sadly, not because I had so much fun nor I enjoyed it a lot, but because, I have a lot bad of memories from that part of my teenage life. I am taking this time to share with you some of the things that happened, and the things I did to help me get through all the sad moments.

I went to a Christian high school. I preferred that because my kindergarten and elementary schools were of the same kind. The first year in high school was okay. I didn’t have to try to fit in, I just instantly "belonged". I was happy. I was getting good grades, I was engaged in extra-curricular activities, teachers found me to be one of the “smart ones”, I was a little popular, and I had friends. Nothing could go wrong, right? Wrong.

I remember one afternoon when I was still a sophomore, one junior high student went inside our classroom, and gave me a weird look, pointed her index finger at me, and motioned for me to go out of the room. I stepped outside, and I remember being surrounded by 8 junior high school students, literally pointing fingers at me, raising their voices at me, and blaming me for spreading a rumor that I didn't even know existed to begin with. And that was just one incident during my sophie days. I remember the times when students from higher levels would call my name, and then would pretend like they were doing something else once I try to find out who called, and then they'd start laughing once I go back to what I was doing. I remember students from higher levels giving me the head-to-foot stare until I am totally out of their sight. I remember being called "easy" for having a boyfriend from a higher year level. I survived all those years, and I was relieved when I reached senior year. No more mean girls and bullies from higher batches. I thought I would be able to finally enjoy high school, I was once again wrong.

I always tell this to people I become close with, it doesn't feel good when you have enemies, but it feels a lot worse when you suddenly become enemies with your close friends.

I don't know how it all started, but I just remember being called names by a person who I used to be very close with. I remember not wanting to go to the school cafeteria because I was afraid her group is going to be there and I'd have to pretend not to hear all the name calling. The next paragraph will be all about her, so let's pretend her name is "Lily" as I go on with my story.

There is one very memorable morning in my senior year, and I remember everything that happened that morning as if it was yesterday. I was early in school, and I thought I'd be the first one in our classroom, I walked in and found Lily already there. My initial thinking was, that would be a perfect time for me to come up to her and ask her if we can sort things out, and just end all the negative things happening. So I took all the courage that I had, and talked to her, but she gave me, "There is nothing you and I should talk about," as her response. Then she walked out of the room. It was very unclear to me why she was doing to me all the mean things she was doing to me. But one thing was clear to me, I wanted to go home. So I tricked the school guard and told him I just forgot to buy something I need for an assignment, so he let me out of the school. I went straight home, and cried all day. I texted my mom and said I don't want to go to school anymore. When she got home, she just hugged me as I cried on her shoulder. I have never opened to her the things that were happening. And that time, when she had her arms wrapped around me, for the first time in 4 years, I felt safe. I felt like nothing is going to be able to hurt me, and I needed that, and I wanted that. My mom understood what I was going through, but at the same time she also knew that nothing good would come out of me not going to school. So what she did was let me stay at home for 3 consecutive days, and then asked me to go back to school after. She also took the time to explain to the school principal the reason why I will be absent for quite a number of days. My close friends came by the afternoon of my third day at home, and tried to convince me to go to school. I went back to school the following day, but I carried with me the same amount of fear. Fear that people will again make fun of me, call me names, and make me feel worthless.

There were a lot more things I had to go through during the 4 years I was in high school, but I don't want to focus on them anymore. Four years of bullying isn't a fun story to tell, and honestly, as I type the things that happened in high school, I suddenly remembered how it felt like, how I felt while trying to survive my rather unfriendly environment, it crushed my heart, yet again.

I survived high school. I survived all the finger pointing, name calling, all the rumors, all those moments people made fun of me, all those weird looks, all the negativity. I can say I am still lucky, because compared to other bullying stories I've heard, I was lucky to never have been physically bullied, but I am sad because, I still think no one deserves to be bullied, neither physically nor emotionally. And I found it ironic because on most of the stories I've heard, students who tend to act differently from others, or those who are quite shy, or those who like to be mostly on the background are some of the types of students who are more often bullied. I was the total opposite. Humility aside, I was part of the cheer leading team, I was in the list of top students, I was Student Council president. Then I figured bullying doesn't have specific characteristics it goes after, it's like once a bully smells fear on a person, then they target him/her. I realized that I cannot change how Lily and her friends were treating me, but I can do things to help me at least enjoy high school even a little bit. And that I can still create some happy memories. These are the things that helped me survive high school.

1. I studied hard

For me, it was a good way to get back at people who were trying to put me down. I didn't have to start any rumor, point any finger, nor do name calling, I just needed to make sure I walk up on stage on graduation and show all those who tried to bring me down how much they failed. 

I graduated with honors, and couldn't be happier. I survived high school, and I survived bullying. I was awarded for being the Student Council president, and got other awards for competitions I joined in. And you know what the best part of my high school graduation was? It was when I couldn't figure out how I will carry all my plaques, and Lily walked up to me, extended her arm, and congratulated me. 

2. Find that thing you can be good at and focus on molding that talent

I was very inclined in extra-curricular activities back in high school, and that also kept my mind off all the negative events happening. I loved to dance and I made sure I get to join performances in school. It worried me that people might laugh at me while dancing on stage. But I guess the music was always louder, and my moves were always bigger than the bullying.

3. I stopped collecting stones, and held on to gems instead

If there is something high school really taught me, it is that I don't need to have dozens of friends. I just need a few friends who will stick with me no matter what. Some real friends. The gems in a bag of stones. These gems are going to be the ones who will tell you to not pay attention to the negative things said about you, these gems are the ones who will not need to hear you explain anything, they just know you well, these gems are going to be the ones who will tell you not to stop, these gems are the ones who will pick you up when you have been beaten to the ground.

4. I sought the help of some guy friends

I don't know why, but I felt really safe whenever I would be with my guy friends in high school. My girl friends were always there for me, and always protected me, but there was something that made me feel even safer when it is my guy friends I am with. And we know how tough guys can get, the pieces of advice they can give you on how you can handle tough situations can really help you become numb on situations that used to hurt you so much.

5. I sought the help of some of my teachers

Talk to a school official, your teacher, your guidance counselor, or whoever you will feel more comfortable sharing your feelings with. Teachers and guidance counselors may not put an end to the situation, but they can help you go through it. If some of your teachers know about what's happening, then it wouldn't be too hard to ask for permission if you can be transferred to another group for a project. They'd understand that you are not being picky, you just do not want to compromise your grades because of a gap between members of the group. 

6. I told my mom

There is no one else in this world that will understand you more and will protect you more than your parents. Don't leave them blinded with what's happening in school. They need to know. They need to know what kind of environment you are getting in school. It is, after all, the place where you stay the longest during the day. You need that kind of support. They say there are things that parents should let their kids handle by themselves, but I think when it comes to bullying, parents have all the right to intervene. Sometimes, parents need to already be involved when the situation is bigger than what their child can handle. 

7. I killed them with kindness

I had about five people from high school who I can categorize as my "main bullies" while the rest, except for my friends, just went along with what was happening. Maybe because they were afraid they would be the next target if they try to stand up for me. Not everyone was an enemy, hence, there was no reason to be mad at everyone. I still became friendly with the rest of my classmates and batch mates. I gave a helping hand in situations when I can be of assistance. I smiled, I asked how their day was going. I didn't let all the people feel the negativity and sadness that I was feeling.

8. I didn't stoop to their levels

Bullies will find every possible way to hurt you. They will be able to come up with every possible insult to tell you. They will formulate names they can call you. And those are not super powers. They are normal people who can think of ways, and you too, can actually do the same thing to them in return. But I suggest not to do that. I believe in what Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."

I have mentioned it earlier, I tried to talk to Lily with the hopes that a conversation between us will help resolve whatever damage was done that may have blown up the situation out of proportion. But I was rejected, and I couldn't say I didn't see that coming. I did, but at least I tried. I took advantage of that moment when we're alone, and tried what I think could help. I didn't get the response I was hoping for, but I was able to tell myself that I tried that way.

9. Pause but never ever quit

I remember reading this poem

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

I guess the poem says it all. When I chose to not go to school for three days, I didn't stay at home to laze around, I stayed at home and thought about the situation and about what I can about it. I didn't really come up with a solution to my problem, but I did come up with a plan, and that was I will go on, I must go on, and I did.

10. Pray and understand

There is clearly a reason why the people who bullied me did what they did. Though until now I don't know why they did those things, and where they pulled that kind of "strength" to put someone down, I have gone past the hurt feelings. Bullies are people too, and they may be going through some difficulties in their own lives that we can never understand, and maybe, just maybe, bullying was a way for them to relieve themselves from all their personal pain. It is not a good thing to resort to, but it is up to the bigger person in the picture to try to understand.

I prayed a lot before. I prayed for courage, for wisdom, for strength. I prayed for every school day. I prayed that nothing hinders me from performing in school, nothing stops me from being happy, and from having fun with friends, nothing, most specially not bullying.

I am no expert when it comes to handling difficulties in school like being bullied. My list may not even be helpful to others who are going through the same thing. I am no expert, but I experienced how it felt like, I was there, I was a target, and I survived it. I am not happy that I am writing this entry simply because I wish I could just be writing about how much I enjoyed high school. I always wished that I can sit down with my other friends and contribute whenever the topic will be high school days. Sadly, I look back at that period with a big sigh. I was hurt, a lot, and those wounds have left scars. I have forgiven those who did me wrong, but I guess I have not really forgotten how it felt like. I just always think of it as a battle I fought and won. That thought makes me happy.

There is nothing this life will throw at you that you will not learn lessons from. Nothing. Even the moments we thought were stupid were given to teach us things. From all the hurt I felt during my teen years, I learned that I am a strong person, that I can be a good friend, that I have the ability to face my fears, and that I am surrounded with wonderful friends.

I like to dedicate this blog entry to some of the good friends I made in high school; Ivy, Juliet, Jellie, Katrina, Marie, Catherine, and Jem. And to the others whose friendship I will forever treasure. Thank you for keeping me strong! :)

Spread the positivity! :)

 - A!